WHOLE: by Leaving a Legacy
Today’s post is from Kim Campbell. She is leading the breakout session for women called “What Will Your Legacy Be?” at WHOLE. This breakout is designed for women over 50 and/or empty nesters but is applicable to all women.
It’s important to know that at WHOLE, every woman who leads a breakout has personally experienced the topic she’s addressing. These are real women who have found wholeness in their specific area of brokenness. There’s hope for whatever you’ve faced or are currently facing and for that friend, sister, mother, etc. that you don’t feel equipped to help today.
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Breakout: What Will Your Legacy Be?
Leader: Kim Campbell
Being a whole person was like a dream to me. How could I ever be made whole? I felt like Humpty Dumpty when he fell off the wall and could not be put back together again.
I was broken, damaged beyond repair. My personality was fractured into so many pieces with each piece carrying a pain all its own. Each piece carried a memory of an event or series of event that I had experienced.
One was the little girl sexually abused by an uncle. Another was the little girl who had to take care of Mom because she was an addict and if she didn’t do it no one would. Another was the little girl who was teased mercilessly at school by the other children. Yet another was the little girl who was afraid that if she lost her mother she would die.
Depression and fear plagued me as an adult. Under the depression and fear was a deep seething anger that threatened to boil over and destroy everything in its path. A pain and anger that was debilitating and frightening.
My past haunted me always. It haunted me through my marriage, through my acceptance of Christ, through the birth of 2 children, and through everything I did and every decision I made. There didn’t seem to be any relief.
I hid all of it well under the guise of a happy Christian woman. I worked and served in my church. I raised my children and served my husband. I was a strong independent woman. At least that is what everyone thought. They did not see the inside, the pain, hurt and anger that I carried. I wore my mask and I wore it well.
My childhood was filled with sexual abuse by several perpetrators, a mother who was a drug addict who was manipulative and far too dependent on me, as well as issues of abandonment and pain. When asked to describe my childhood chaotic was the only word I could use. I would then relate my story and many were amazed that I had survived.
I survived only by the hand of God. Looking back I can see his hand protecting me and guiding me. Did bad things happen? Yes! But did God ever leave me? No! Even before I knew him he was protecting me.
Little did I know what God had planned for me. He took me down a path to healing that was slow and painful. There were times I could hardly function. He brought back memories and reminded me that he was there through it all. He slowly grew me up.
It was not instantaneous like some stories you hear. It has taken years to let go of the pain and the anger. It has taken years to forgive those who hurt me. It has taken years, partly because of my own stubbornness and partly because that is how he worked in me.
BUT, I can now say that I am whole! I can only say that through the grace and mercy of a God who loves me beyond reason. He is a God who has touched the deepest parts of me and put me back together.
Through the healing process God has designed me and given me gifts. He had led me into a ministry where I can counsel other women who are broken and hurting. He has taken me back to school. Mind you I have 2 grown daughters and 4 beautiful grandchildren so I am no spring chicken. He has given me a life I never dreamed of.
It is only through what I have experienced in my past that I am able to minister and serve God today. One of my passions is the desire to see women who are “older” (never did I think I would be one of those) thrive through serving the God who loves them. We NEVER get too old or are unable to serve God.
Humpty Dumpty did not have to stay broken; he just needed to turn to the only one who could truly heal him, the only one who could put him back together again. I will spend the rest of the life that God has given me to serve him and give glory to his name alone. He has saved me not only from my sins but from myself.