5 Years Ago… One Confession to Start it All
Below is the very first post I ever wrote pertaining to pornography addiction. The post was my own confession of my past addiction to porn that I shared with the readers of a blog I once owned called, “Pink Haired Girl.”
Anyone around still remember that girl? :D
A couple of years ago, I closed that blog and moved everything over here. So the posts remain as the reminders of where we came from. As you can see from the date above, it was 5 years ago that I posted this confession.
Much has happened in that time. The girl below wasn’t leading a recovery group, she didn’t have a book for sale on Amazon and she most certainly wasn’t running a non-profit. None of those things were in her sights. She was just a girl with a story, like so many in our community, who needed a place to confess.
We’ve come along way. What God has done with our efforts in this relatively short amount of time is astounding. One can only imagine what the next 5 years will hold. But we’ll need your help.
With 1000+ women now active in our online community, and dozens more joining every week, we can’t possibly keep going without both your prayers and financial contribution.
Founder, Dirty Girls Ministries
Hello my name is Crystal and I am a PORN ADDICT. Well, at least I used to be.
As a young girl (age 10 to about 18)… I struggled deeply with a porn and sexual addiction.
My addiction started out as nothing more than just a curiosity with a magazine in my brother’s bathroom. The curiosity quickly escalated down a path of cable, movies and then of course, the all powerful INTERNET. Any way I could find it – I would. And it didn’t matter where I was. home… school… my friend’s houses… even church… yes church. They had internet too – didn’t they? Even being one of the first things I did when I arrived home from Summer Camp the year of my salvation.
Anything you could think up, I probably watched it, looked at it and enjoyed it. But why? Why enjoy something so much and hate myself so much for doing it at the same time?
Because I was absolutely addicted.
Porn. Masturbation. Cyber Sex. Phone Sex, I was hooked. I battled thoughts of – was I gay? Bisexual? Just perverted? I mean it was girls. Girl with Girls. Guys. Guys with guys. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I said I would stop – I would keep doing it.
Freedom from my addiction finally began to occur when I became real with myself. Fully surrendering to the Lord and seeing myself for how He sees me. Stopped hiding and stopped lying. Through that absolute surrender and sharing the struggle with those close to me (support and accountability), the addiction became so much easier to handle. Eventually the temptations became easier fight. I had people keeping me accountable.
And it turned out that I wasn’t alone.
At 23 years old, I am not going to lie to you and say it is never a struggle. That I never desire to look at porn. Or I never want to masturbate. It is still a temptation. But it takes having to die to myself and my desire on a daily basis. Something of which we are all called to do.
Ladies it’s a very real struggle. It is SO easy to get caught up in it and all of sudden be trapped – I know from experience. It’s ok to share your struggle. And if you’d like, you can begin sharing now… you can do so with me.