{"id":5199,"date":"2011-11-01T17:44:44","date_gmt":"2011-11-01T23:44:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dirtygirlsministries.com\/blog\/?p=5199"},"modified":"2011-11-01T17:46:04","modified_gmt":"2011-11-01T23:46:04","slug":"what-i-wish-i%e2%80%99d-known-before-watching-porn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/?p=5199","title":{"rendered":"What I Wish I\u2019d Known Before Watching Porn"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The following story comes from our friend Lauren Dubinsky, founder of Good Women Project<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n

If you’re a woman who has even just dabbled in pornography, please take a moment and read her story.<\/strong><\/p>\n

– –<\/span><\/h3>\n

Pornography is a charged subject, and it\u2019s a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay further away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from\u00a0it<\/em>.<\/p>\n

When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of \u201cbad things\u201d that I didn\u2019t know much about \u2013 and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Nevermind why I was watching it, the how is the same for all of us:\u00a0we stumbled upon it because of someone else.<\/em> And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.<\/p>\n

Later in life, I caught myself remembering how I used to watch it for a few minutes here or there, and wondered strictly out of boredom if it would fill the big, empty space of loneliness in my late nights. There were no parents around to hide from anymore, and no one checking my Internet history. Pornography was easy, and I never exactly knew why it was bad, particularly since I wasn\u2019t actually having sex. To me, it was just something dirty that you probably shouldn\u2019t have anything to do with.\u00a0But \u201cprobably shouldn\u2019t\u201d never stands up against loneliness and boredom.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am not one with an addictive personality. Meaning, I binge, and then drop things quickly. I knew this about myself, and so I used this as an excuse for watching pornography. I\u2019d watch it every night for a couple weeks, then not at all for a few weeks. Always off and on. Clearly I wasn\u2019t addicted. Just like I smoked, and never became addicted to nicotine, and drank, but never became an alcoholic. I was just watching it, and could stop anytime I wanted. No damage done, because I was still in control.<\/p>\n

Wrong. Nicotine still seared my lungs, and alcohol still did some decent damage to my liver and personal life.\u00a0Just because we aren\u2019t addicted, doesn\u2019t mean it does no harm.<\/strong> Even while I wasn\u2019t \u201caddicted\u201d to watching pornography, I always wanted more. It existed as a guaranteed time-filler and pleasure-bringer, and when you get an hour to yourself \u2013 that\u2019s an easy default. An easy default activity that establishes a heavy precedence in what you do with your next bad night.<\/p>\n

I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does, and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women.<\/p>\n

I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have\u00a0proven it sabotages your sex life<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have explained how\u00a0dopamine<\/a>, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you\u2019re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told me pornography would normalize things I wasn\u2019t emotionally or physically ready to handle in my relationships with men, making me feel like I had no options or control over my sex life, filling me with much regret.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify men, build up images in my mind, and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn\u2019t remain focused on anything else.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to men, and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have pointed out pornography\u00a0establishes your sexuality completely apart<\/a> from real-life relationships, causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have explained what \u201csexual anorexia\u201d was and that\u00a0countless young men are unable to get erections<\/a> because they\u2019ve been watching porn since they were around 14 years old.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told all the men I\u2019ve dated that\u00a0the porn they are watching is keeping them from being turned on by me<\/a>, ultimately destroying our relationship.<\/p>\n

I wish someone would have told me that the\u00a0dopamine and oxytocin<\/a> being released from my watching certain types of pornography would cause me to question my sexual orientation, which in turn cost me relationships with friends.<\/p>\n

My list of \u201cI wish\u2019s\u201d is nowhere near complete, either. In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don\u2019t talk about. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.<\/strong><\/p>\n

– –<\/p>\n

DGM loves to share stories and victories from women who have been affected by pornography. If you would like to submit your story, you may do so from our contact page,\u00a0here<\/a>. We will always ask permission before posting them. <\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The following story comes from our friend Lauren Dubinsky, founder of Good Women Project. If you’re a woman who has even just dabbled in pornography, please take a moment and read her story. – – Pornography is a charged subject, and it\u2019s a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are… Continue reading What I Wish I\u2019d Known Before Watching Porn<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[198,6,183,27,189,47,182,65],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5199","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-198","category-addiction","category-crystal-renaud","category-dirty-girls","category-partners","category-porn","category-testimonials","category-women","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5199","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5199"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5199\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5204,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5199\/revisions\/5204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5199"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5199"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5199"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}