{"id":80,"date":"2006-07-09T23:18:12","date_gmt":"2006-07-10T04:18:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pinkhairedgirl.net\/?p=80"},"modified":"2006-07-09T23:18:12","modified_gmt":"2006-07-10T04:18:12","slug":"youre-looking-into-my-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/?p=80","title":{"rendered":"You’re Looking into My Heart…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tonight at THiRST<\/a>\u00a0Jonny and the other band guys played, “Heart of Worship.” This is\u00a0one of those songs that takes me back to my early Westside days and\u00a0frankly… my early days as a Christian.\u00a0I seriously haven’t sang that song during a service of any kind in several years. Out of the norm completely.<\/p>\n

Matt Redman<\/a>\u00a0wrote it was\u00a0a way to\u00a0peal\u00a0away all of the bells, whistles and the other things that\u00a0keep us from fully engaging in worship with our Father, but Jonny\u00a0brought an interesting and innovating\u00a0twist to this old camp-high classic.\u00a0Jonny\u00a0sang a continual repeat\u00a0of a very simple line but that one line became incredibly worshipful for me. It was the kind of “oh dang” moment that you know that God is trying to be heard. The line was, “You’re looking into my heart.” In context it appears during the pre-chorus. “You looking deeper within to the way things appear, You’re looking into my heart”.<\/p>\n

The reason why I believe it hit me so hard\u00a0was because\u00a0of my old “God can’t really see what I am really feeling” kind of thinking. I\u00a0have been\u00a0in a FUNK today. I believe it to be a combination of “Aunt Flow” coming\u00a0’round the bend\u00a0(sorry guys) and just a lot of anxiety I am facing because of a lot changes happening. I am very good at hiding my true feelings when I want to avoid them and don’t want others to see.<\/p>\n

Tonight God definitely had this song in place to speak to me. To speak so loud I couldn’t ignore it. Kind of like:\u00a0“Yes, Crystal… I am looking into\u00a0your heart and I see\u00a0your funk and see\u00a0why you feel anxious and\u00a0honey… you can’t hide from Me.”<\/p>\n

I don’t know why I keep thinking I can.<\/p>\n

Friends, if you could look into my heart too – this is what you would find:<\/em><\/p>\n

My continuous plea of how long?<\/strong>
\nHow long until my life looks like I desire it to look like? (work, social, etc.)<\/p>\n

I have a new boss beginning Monday.
\n<\/strong>In over 2 years, I truly haven’t had\u00a0a “boss”\u00a0as in someone who truly oversees\u00a0what I do\u00a0in a\u00a0particular department. There is a lot of anxiety\u00a0I am feeling over this right now. I don’t know how I will be having a real job-related boss. I fear I have been flying under the radar up until now\u00a0and people are going to finally see that I truly don’t have any talent at all. That I am a fraud and truly inadequate.<\/p>\n

Although driving has been going fairly well I am still incredibly fearful of it.\u00a0
\n<\/strong>I have allowed SO many people “inside” my fear that it is now embarrassing. All of the interest and questions make me\u00a0feel like a child with an debilitating illness. I appreciate everyone’s kind words and the support, but I am sure you can understand how I feel.<\/p>\n

Bahh. See… messy.\u00a0 I am grateful I am not alone though.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

by the way… there\u00a0are still several\u00a0of you out in the internet world who have yet to change your linkage to my new blog (like… eh-hem… Mrs.\u00a0flowerdust<\/a> and Mr. ragamuffinsoul<\/a>). So,\u00a0if you have not yet changed your RSS feed or linkage either… please do so friends! It is easy kids!<\/p>\n

Feed: http:\/\/pinkhairedgirl.wordpress.com\/feed\/
\nLink: http:\/\/pinkhairedgirl.wordpress.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tonight at THiRST\u00a0Jonny and the other band guys played, “Heart of Worship.” This is\u00a0one of those songs that takes me back to my early Westside days and\u00a0frankly… my early days as a Christian.\u00a0I seriously haven’t sang that song during a service of any kind in several years. Out of the norm completely. Matt Redman\u00a0wrote it… Continue reading You’re Looking into My Heart…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165,19,23,45,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-80","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-box-of-chocolates","category-church","category-crazy-weekends","category-personal-growth","category-religion","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=80"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=80"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=80"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherecovery.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=80"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}