The Crippling Effects of Pride and Fear

Last night I had a come to Jesus meeting… with Jesus. And I’ll be honest with you. It’s been a long time since I have sat down vulnerable before Him.

I had to go to Him with a very humble heart knowing that it was me who had wandered. It was me who hadn’t come to Him with every, single need. It was me who allowed pride and fear keep me from receiving His blessing.

He didn’t go anywhere.

I did.

So last night in prayer and worship…

  • I confessed the sins I had been too arrogant to admit were sins and received once again a grace I do not deserve.
  • I asked forgiveness for harboring bitterness toward my brothers and sisters in Christ and forgave them all by name.
  • I admitted the absolute grief I feel about the loss of my grandparents and my brother’s divorce which have been stealing my joy for months.
  • I surrendered the fear that I have been entertaining every time I worried about finances (personal and ministry)—big time as of late.
  • I repented for crippling you by not pushing you all harder to take personal ownership of your recovery journeys.
  • and finally… I stormed the throne on your behalf. That every woman who is in need of wholeness would find their way here and receive the wholeness she is seeking through Jesus Christ. Whatever that wholeness looks like (porn, masturbation, physical healing, emotional trauma, etc.)

My chains are gone. I’ve been set free. May I never go this long without weeping at my Lord’s feet again.

– –

Then, I was inspired this morning by fellow DGM’er Jackie who decided to commit to a $5 a month donation. She wrote:

“There may come a time when hubby will ask [about this donation] … that is the time I will say “Honey, we need to talk.” I feel less and less shame. I had a problem with porn (like apparently so many people) though usually not considered a female issue but that’s because women draw the curtains and lock the doors so to speak … but if hubby asks I will come clean. By the power of God’s GRACE, and Jesus living inside me, cleaning house and conforming me to His image, none of what I used to do appeals to me any more. Praise God and Praise DGM! I have found a safe haven and I do not want it to go away. I pray ALL will give SOME.”

All will give some.

Part of recovery is taking responsibility (step #4 in S.C.A.R.S.) and part of taking responsibiliy is taking personal ownership of your recovery. That is why I present challenges like, “If you are thankful for this place, please give back.”

It’s not enough to take anymore.

Taking is the behavior of an addict. Generosity is the behavior of the free. And if we don’t challenge you to give back, we are doing you a disservice in your recovery walk.

You might think that $5 a month is “pittance” as Jackie called it. But that could not be further from the truth. It’s not about the dollar amount. It’s about your heart. Any gift given from a place of thankfulness, is NOT pittance.

We know that regardless of the $ amount, it’s a sacrifice. And if everyone would give a little, we would have much. Together.


Jackie went on to say:

“Praise God for DGM. When I overcame my nicotine addiction I used a website just like this to help me. IT WORKED! THIS WORKS! Ladies we need this God ordained ministry, $5 a month from over 1,500 people adds up! Dig deep!”


By Crystal Renaud

Crystal Renaud is the Founder & Executive Director of WHOLE Women Ministries whose projects include Dirty Girls Ministries and WHOLE Women’s Conference. She is also the author of Dirty Girls Come Clean (Moody Publishers), a speaker and student who lives in the Kansas City area. Follow @crystalrenaud on Twitter and visit her website for info on coaching and speaking at

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