missing you…

8 months ago, my friend and brother-in-Christ, Brandon lost his battle with cancer (non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma). although he is Home with the Father and is partying-it-up heaven-style, i am struggling with his death, with missing him and ache i have for those who loved him even more than me. his wife, his parents, his pastor, his dear friends.

the reason for the flood of returned emotion has a lot to do with the walk that is coming up and probably more so from the recent death of my dad’s good friend. he died of cancer. i see my dad struggle with some of the same emotions i am still facing 8 months later.

thinking back to the events of 8 months ago – it STILL doesn’t seem real. it doesn’t seem possible that he is dead and no longer with us on this earth. ugh… that day. January 3rd, 2006. the phone call of a sweet, comforting voice letting me know of his passing. the hugs and flood of a new and never-before-felt kind of pain. the relaying of the message i had to give to other loved ones. the rallying together with his wife (my dearest friend, Megan) that night. the tears. the laughter.

my own creation of numbness. i had no idea my pain was so raw.

i was in tears last night when talking about his story and the story of this death with my mom. i have peace in knowing Brandon is Home and cancer-free and without the pain, but how could a man who touched SO many lives, but more importantly, who loved and lived for his Creator HERE be taken up to heaven, against that of his own plea and ours to God?

if God is a Just and Loving God, why didn’t He answer our pleas to heal him HERE and keep him HERE with us? what was the point of praying for Brandon when God already knew he was not going to live through the cancer? why did God have Megan go through what she has been?

these are all questions that i can’t answer, but remain in my head. thank you Lord for relieving Brandon’s pain, but Father please relieve some of mine and my confusion about the entire ride You led us down and are still leading. there so many of us who are following your lead, but are still somehow lost on this path.

love you… miss you, B.

to learn more about the walk coming up September 15th and how to donate, visit this website.