Krissie Allen can be found messing around at http://www.kraedesign.com/blog.
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Thirty, Flirty and Thriving
I have been in 9 weddings that I can remember (27 dresses here I come), I was a bridesmaid in 3, I sang in 3, and I read scripture in 3. In two of those weddings I was asked to read that ever popular wedding passage from Ecclesiastes, how 2 are better than 1, and if 1 person falls down who is there to help them… in other words it’s really horrible to be alone… I found it rather ironic, that they asked the token single person to read those verses. Like here’s some salt, why don’t you go ahead and rub it into your own wound in front of a large crowd. Now I’m pretty good natured, and it wasn’t a major deal to me, but I’m not gonna lie, it did sting just a little.
Being single is something that I struggle with and I imagine I always will, until God willing, I find the right man. Now I just want to say this for the record… It’s okay to want to be married. For some reason in our society though we’re not supposed to admit stuff like that. We’re supposed to be thirty, flirty and thriving (anyone see 13 Going On 30?). And I’ve definitely played that game. We’re often told to be content in our singleness, that we need to focus on God, and that somehow magically when we aren’t looking, then it will happen. I remember hearing this quote in college, and to some extent buying into the lie that there is a formula to it. “God is like the sun, men are like trees. If you stare at the sun, you’ll run into a tree.”
In the past several years as I’ve seen my friend’s love stories unfold, I’ve observed that there is absolutely no formula to it. So read all of the Christian dating books that you want, but just so you know if you follow all of the steps, stand on your head, put your finger in your ear, and “date God” for a year, it’s not going to move you any closer or further away from marriage.
Now I’ve also learned that there is a big difference between being content and being complacent, and I think we get these ideas confused, which is some of the problem. I am content, I love my life, I mean really enjoy my life. I have some stellar friends, a great church and ministry, an incredible job, etc. etc. I’m happy, but that doesn’t mean that I’m complacent about my single state.
I have to find that balance as does everyone between how much effort I make, and how much I rely on God to provide. I think it’s appropriate to focus on bettering myself as a person, enjoying life, and being the right person, but I also think it’s appropriate to put myself in the right place and be open to meeting single guys. Trusting that God is going to provide the right one for me, if I’m faithful to make myself available.
Krissie, great post. I still cringe when I hear people tell others to “date God.” LAME. It’s only the happy married couple telling their sappy story of getting together who tell all the singles to “date God.” Ok, I know that’s a vast generalization, but it sure seems that ways sometimes. I’m glad you wrote about the fact that it’s ok to want to be married, and the balance of contentment and an ok desire to want that. Thanks for sharing!
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That is the best something that I heard in a VERY long time!!!!! Oh my gosh! I was having this HUGE conversation with God about this and other things. But wow, you just put the air back into my lungs to breath again; to not feel like I’m suffocating under the “you just need to take this time to suffer for God (in so many words) and WAIT”. You are right there is no formula, I’ve tried a couple of them and I bought a lot of the books, which I guess for the time was okay. But if I see another “how to” book for not dating, I am going to throw up. I’m sorry if I am coming off a little strong but God knows how I am formed and he is continuing to mold me through disappointments, grace (HUGE!) and joys.
Thank you again for sharing your heart!
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