my life as a musical

i received this comment a few months ago (right around then) and for some reason i kept it in a safe place. i referred back to it tonight. although it’s amazing and filled me with such encouragement at the time, i am not so sure how true it has been lately.

“I’ve seen you around church alot and have always noticed that you always seem to radiate a spirit of peace. I’ve never spoken to you but I’ve seen you in conversation with others and there’s joy in your eyes and laughter on your lips.”

i am going to be honest with you on here. lately i haven’t been feeling much at peace and i would doubt someone would say i’ve had joy in my eyes. a general lack of the fruits, if you will. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” Galatians 5:22-23

for a majority of the past 3 months, i have played damage control in other people’s lives. still trying to play the ‘fix it game’. not dealing with things in my own heart. stuffing things. becoming twisted. unforgiving. angry. bitter. and eventually just plain old depressed. thus, the reason for my post about mending a broken heart. about my lack of trusting people. falling deeper into a funk i do so desperately hate being in.

musicals are therapy to me. i saw the movie remake of the musical HAIRSPRAY the other day and every day since i find myself daydreaming about what my life would be like as a musical. not many people know, but i have a huge dream of starring in a local theatre production, a broadway show or in a movie musical. especially one like HAIRSPRAY. for years its been my biggest dream is play Tracy Turnblad, a pudgy girl who has a HUGE heart, an enduring innocence, an amazing spirit out for equality, wins the guy and of course, in the end, puts the mean, snotty, skinny blonde girl in her place and Tracy has her “happily ever after”. i could totally play her, right?

(watch the video clip below and if you’re RSS come over and watch… but ALL of you… GO SEE IT for real in its entirety because it’s absolutely fantastic and you miss the real point of the musical by just watching the clip.)

my life may not be a musical (yet) but i am determined that this entire situation in my life will end with a “happily ever after” for me (as well as many others who are hurting and still dealing) too because God is in control and He is continually leading me and commanding my obedience. to lay down my anger. to lay down my bitterness. to give forgiveness where it is due. to be joyful in midst of the storm.

well and with trying to do that, things have taken a turn toward the better. not 100% by any means, but better. without going into it too much detail (it’s rather a personal journey here in the last week that i hope to some day share), many encouraging (and incredibly unexpected) events have occured. obedience is a funny thing. the result is typically so much better, far beyond what you could ever imagine. i am still in the midst of a “blue” days and i am prayerfully considering going back on some low-dose medication to help me through this season. i appreciate your prayers so very much and ask that you keep them coming.

in any rate, here’s to a new month and better days, eh? cause you can’t stop the beat.


  1. That clip is great. I’ll admit ive never seen that musical, but how about we watch it together sometime?? :) Thanks for sharing some tough stuff on here, and for being honest about where you’re at. You are incredible. I’m praying for your heart!

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