total exposure
Yesterday I did something that was a
stretch in my character and just the way I am wired… and today I am doing
something similar just by telling you about it.
Let’s be real for a second, shall we?
You
might know my fears in driving. Ok… so… honestly… I don’t drive. I am in
therapy due to my anxiety over it in fact. It has been a struggle ever since I
was little and has escalated into my adulthood. Some of it is just as simple as
a localized panic disorder and some of it is actually posttraumatic stress from
a wreck I experience at age 18. I’ve always been embarrassed by this paralysis
and it is not something I share with many. It takes trust to share this about
myself. Trust that I won’t be judged or really thought of as weak. Recently
through the therapy I am seeking and the medication I’ve recently been put on I
think it is and will become easier to talk about. And gradually I will get back
behind the wheel (of a real car – in the real world).
Ok… now that
I’ve exposed myself for what I really am…
Yesterday
during a youth staff team-building exercise we went to PowerPlay. Scott had
rented out the Go-Carts for an hour for us to use for the teambuilding (how
this is part of my job I can’t even tell you). Go-Carts have never really been
a problem for me – however – blindfolded is a different story all together. The
object was to have one person (blindfolded) driving on the windy course and that
person has a partner on a walkie-talkie telling them where to go and what to
do. Being their eyes. Having to trust them that they would get you through it.
This made me sick to my core.
The thought of having no control over a situation – especially one in which it
meant me having to drive – almost threw me into a fit. I was not even going to
pretend to do it. For whatever reason I decided to give it a go. I picked
Gretchen as my partner. I think it was because Gretchen is a mom and she
wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I trusted her to protect me.
I know it was an exercise in
trusting my teammates and may sound kinda small… but or real… this was the
most stretching exercise I have had to do that forced me to face my fears. My
therapist will be so glad… haha… and really I am proud of myself for doing it.
Wow girl! First of all, I’m so proud of you for sharing that. That took a lot of guts, and that shows that you’re not weak at all! Secondly, congrats on facing your fear (and wisely choosing Gretchen as your partner :). That’s a great exercise in trust.
By the way, I didn’t know how much of a comment junkie you were! i’ll make more of an effort :) Cuz I always read your posts.
This is so great! How very proud I am of you! Since we have had like a million conversations on driving I know that this was/is a huge step! Woo Hoo for you! (That sounds funny when you say that out loud…okay everyoine try it with me…Woo hoo for you.)
oine? I guess that works too.
i didn’t get my license until i was 20, so i can relate. :)
(if it’s any encouragement, there was a time when i was scared to death of driving, then scared to death of interstates and going more than 50 mph. now i budget my travel time based on speeding. not that this is good, but i’ll tell you i’m not scared of driving now…)
I’m so proud of you! Thanks for sharing that stuff. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you!
Driving is over-rated anyways. Like I told you and Jennifer the other night at IHOP, If I could have one rich person luxury… it’d be a driver.
Team-building. How nice. I wish I worked with a team… so we could build… by using team-building exercises. Fun.
I am so proud of you!