My Response to the Naysayers
In mid-2010, I agreed to be interviewed for a secular women’s magazine. The reporter presented the article to me in such a way that they were really interested in female pornography addiction and wanted to feature it.
So initially it seemed like a good idea. Chalk it up to the inexperience and gullibility of a newbie.
She was friendly. She asked the right kind of questions. She even commended our work. But then the article was released—and I was immediately filled with regret.
Instead of writing an article about the issue of female porn addiction, the reporter’s agenda was to write a piece that pegged me as a woman on a crusade against masturbation—who was only parading around as a ministry about porn.
At the time of its release not much exposure came from it. So I was hoping it was dead and buried and I could take it all as a lesson learned. But what’s unfortunate about the press—is that nothing is ever as dead and buried as you might think.
Things like this like to come back to life.
A little over a year later, the article resurfaced when another popular website picked it up. It’s resulted in numerous other posts and discussion forums have lit up like wild fire. All attacking me and attacking DGM in slanderous ways because “we’re on a crusade against female masturbation,” which of course is so completely false.
DGM’s stance is simply this: We speak out against any sexual behavior that has become unmanageable. That’s it.
So why am I bringing this up now?
Well, our online community was hacked by a few of these naysayers and many inappropriate comments were posted for our members to see. Thankfully, our team is quick and was able to delete these comments and ban those users.
I want to first apologize to the members of our online community. It’s my bad that this whole thing started. If I had done a better job of researching this publication, this situation could probably have been avoided.
But I also want to thank the naysayers—not just those who invaded our community, but those who are posting blogs and in discussion forums. And even the reporter who created this story.
“ … Count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit Me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.” Matthew 5:11 MSG
There are days when it takes every bit of resolve I have not to publicly defend DGM and myself against the nonsense I read online. Yesterday was one of those days. But the reality is… if I did that every time something negative was posted about myself or DGM, I would do nothing else with my time.
And this will be only time I post about such things on this blog.
I have worked in ministry (in some capacity) for over 10 years and have seen & experienced a lot of stuff. But I was never attacked personally until now. Until this season and this kind of ministry. It seems that no one creates discussion forums or blogs to bash someone for being a graphic designer.
But they are created all the time to bash DGM and the work we do. It causes me a completely different kind of pain… heartache. And while there’s so much good happening in this ministry and God has used my story in ways I could never have imagined … I do get battle weary.
And yet I am happy to get “into this kind of trouble” as the scripture said—because it means there’s something worth fighting for going on.
And we will keep fighting this fight because the last word spoken will not be that of a lie. It will be the truth we stand on: that our fight is not against flesh and blood; not against the porn industry; not against those who view porn and claim to like it.
Our fight is against the powers of this dark world.
So we don’t expect to change the minds of the naysayers. That’s not our agenda. We just want to help women.
And we consider the persecution we receive in the process as a badge of honor.
“The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the One who sent me.” John 15:19-21 NLT
With hope,
Crystal Renaud
Founder & Executive Director
Dirty Girls Ministries
thank you for your honesty, humility, and courage, Crystal. regardless of the whirlwind surrounding the media about DGM, all that really matters is why WE’RE here, and that’s to help each other. you inspire me amid my own battle with porn addiction, one that is the hardest battle I fight. thank you for continuing to be a light to women like me.
Crystal-
Thank you for your openness and honesty and for the incredible work you are doing to help so many women who are struggling in secret. This post is a reminder for us to pray for you and the work you are doing. Be encouraged…you are His beloved daughter. He is singing over you!
appreciate your support and knowing that you guys are in this fight with us…
Oh Crystal, I want to say I’m sorry this has happened but I am not! The truth is being advanced! Everything you have said is spot on… This is an all out battle against darkness, for the LIGHT that holds our freedom in Christ! WHAT AN HONOR YOU have received indeed!!! I will pray! Be encouraged! Keep on keeping on!
“…I want you to know that what has happened to me has helped to spread the good news.” Philippians 1:12
“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted…” 2 Timothy 3:12
And finally, ” To whom much is given, much will be required”!!! (Luke 12:48)
God’s got you! :D
Rest assured the REAL users know what is going on and KNOW that this a website from God to help us. We’re not going to listen to the world and its lies but rather the truth. I can’t count the amount of people who’ve made fun of me and laughed at me for being a Christian which is kind of the same thing you’re facing. But don’t worry, God is on your side :D
That’s terrible! I’m so sorry that that had to happen to you and the other members of your online community. Some people are just so closeminded.
I believe that when we as Christians are under attack by Satan and this world, this means we are walking right in the middle of God’s will! Consider it a privilege to be experiencing persecution for Jesus’ sake.
God is so much bigger than Naysayers and a magazine. God knows the hard work you do and it really doesn’t matter what people think, because you are doing this for God. There are many more women out there that need this resource. There will be so many in the world that will knock us down, twist our words just to get us to deny God….
Well, they are messing with the wrong group of girls….LOL
God is faithful!
“they are messing with the wrong group of girls…” I LOVE THIS!!!
I’d agree with AmyChristine.
Just yesterday I was listening to Joel Osteen talk about how we tend to be attacked the most right before we’re about to do something great for God.
Don’t lose hope. Don’t get discouraged. Know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and the more your message is publicized [for better or for worse] the more people are going to be aware there’s help available. [And may not have ever known otherwise]
Hang in there friend.
Really sorry that you are going through this. If you stand for something, you will be criticized. This group’s existence makes a strong statement about purity. I *am* very uplifted by your response. Your eyes are on God, and I tend to believe that in time the truth will be told. There is still such a stigma with sexual compulsion that people are not supportive toward getting help with out of control behavior.
Blessings on you for starting this site and staying the course.
LeeAnn
I agree with all that is said here. God is moving everyday in this ministry and Crystal you said it last night and today if we are under battle then you are doing Gods work. I’m sorry that this is a hard thing but like someone else wrote not sorry to stand up for something we believe in. I knew from the day I signed up with this ministry that not only would this addiction be the hardest thing I have ever tackled by that Satan would use every person and everything to try to derail us. We may be small but each and everyone of us are helping ourselves and others and everyday women are learning about this addiction becoming free and sharing our stories. Satan wants us to all stay in the darkness. Thank you Crystal for following your heart and passion in this ministry this has made me realize to continue prayer for the members and for you and the staff f DGM.
Blessings Sarah
we so appreciate your prayers!
AHHH! I get it now. That’s why my name popped up in a Google alerts on some crazy website about masturbation. (Remember, she interviewed me too.)
Gotta love the internet.
Love you Crystal. You are amazing.
thankful for you—love you!
Thank you for being brave and facing this head on in love and humility!! You are truly amazing. Rock on friend!! Keep moving forward in this extraordinary work God has called you to. You are helping SO many!! Sending LOTS of love!!!
your consistent support is so life-giving. thank you…
GIRL… GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRLLLLL!!!…
you know what i’m gonna say… and i can’t type it out here.
i love you so much.
i know you get it. love you!
Crystal… I so appreciate your realness! Thank you for this post… it is tender and spot on and so needed. Be encouraged in the work you do and remember that you are helping so many more people than will ever really step up and say thanks.
You’re shedding light in dark lonely places. That kind of effort and perseverance can only come from someone chasing after God’s heart. I’m just saying.
Be blessed.
I truly believe that because of all of this drama, there is a woman who will click on your site and receive true healing and support in an unexpected way. God never wastes a hurt and if you have turned this over to Him (which I believe you have) then let it go and let Him work to bring good of this. I am proud of you and your ministry.
Bravo, Crystal. BRA-VO!
Fighting the fight with you. Be strong in the Lord. Craig Groeschel’s wisdom to me when this started happening was just to let people talk and don’t worry about defending yourself. God is your defender and the people closest to you know your heart.
Love you, girl.
let Craig know i’d love to hear his wisdom sometime… sigh :)
Although I disagree with what you’re doing, I think masturbation is healthy all around an getting people to stop is as about as effective as trying to “pray away the gay”. I strongly admire your dedication in ridding women of their “sinful habits”. More over, I hope your crusade goes well for you and anyone who follows your message. Find your peace and bliss wherever you can, that’s why we’re all on this planet!
-Tomas
Wanted to thank you for what you are doing for women after I noticed media attention directed at you. I believe there are a great deal of women out there who may feel alone because there are mainly resources directed at men so it is nice to have something more comfortable to help them.
I hope you keep doing what you are doing as long as it is in Christ.
As you know, we’ve got some experience in this realm. Know that you’re loved & appreciated.
“We speak out against any sexual behavior that has become unmanageable. That’s it.”
So you are not speaking out against pornography as long as it is not an addiction, and you are especially not speaking out against masturbation itself?
Exactly. We have no vendetta against the porn industry or against masturbation.
Since I dont have access to the orginal article, I cannot say much about that. But, I do have a question.
Lilly said, “So you are not speaking out against pornography as long as it is not an addiction”
To which you replied, “Exactly.” Am I reading this correctly? I know you may not have said anything in the article about it, but is that your stand period? Is that your view totally?
I’m new here so I’m trying to figure all this out. Yesterday was my first time on your site and from what I can see, I think you have an awesome ministry. And then I got to this post and now I’m wondering about this issue. I don’t want to take it out of context.
Blessings!
Hi Danielle, thanks for replying and asking the question. The article that was written painted us as an organization who was on a crusade against masturbation. This is false. As far as pornography is concerned—we definitely don’t condone it’s use and I think our mission is clear about that. However, we don’t spend much time speaking out against the porn industry as a whole or do work to try and shut it down. That’s a distraction to our mission and it’s far too big of a task. However, we do have a heart for those who work in the industry and we desire to see them free as well (because so many porn actresses and even actors are actually trafficked or coerced into the industry). But we are called to help women who are trapped by sexual addiction (of various types) or who have a husband/boyfriend/relative/friend with an addiction.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. Can you sue for slander or libel? I mean if they totally misrepresented you …. or ask the magazine to allow you to write a rebuttal.
But … Know what is AWESOME about this? How many MORE people know about DGM now!! I love how God can lob an Enemy bomb right back at him.
One more note… I read the the blogs & comments that came up on Google and just felt so sad.
It seems much of this is spinning off one article’s misunderstanding of the heart of your message. Trying to convince everyone otherwise is probably going to be time spent in vain.
I think the best thing you can do is to keep pressing on, keep providing a safe place for women to get the help they’re seeking and not get distracted from your goal. [Nehemiah 6:3 Msg]
Hi Crystal, your website was brought to my attention from a friend who read this specific article you speak of. I am a female who writes a blog on sexuality as well. My friend thought after I read this article I would get all fired up about your book but I have to say after I read your response to this article, I get a much more clear view of what you stand for and commend you for your work. I have no tie to Christianity or religion at all but as a woman, I want to let you know that you are doing something admirable for women young and old. I think it’s great to start a discussion about female sex addiction and bring any attention to the subject. I think it’s courageous that you not only addressed this personal issue of yours but spoke out to try and help others. As someone who comes from the opposite side of the spectrum from you, I think you are doing something really great. Keep up the good work!
Rachel,
I am so glad you took the time to stop by here and receive the facts so graciously. So much of the feedback from that article is coming from people who believed the article without research. I so appreciate your candor and respect as someone from other side of the spectrum—and hope to show the same to you. Be blessed!
Crystal,
Welcome to the battle! I’ve had the same happen – most of us have. The world hates what we do and say, but they have to alter it to make it look bad. Kind of says something about them, doesn’t it?
I may have seen an offshoot of the article and taken issue with it – but what I read was nothing like what I know you think and teach. If I threw fuel on the first I am deeply sorry.
I come to greet you all in the Lord’s Shalom!
I really thank Him for giving us women the wisdom and strength to endure what we do. If we would sit and let the world counsel us, we would fall deeper in the pit! Praise the Lord Yeshua for He is the Master of His people!! And He will show us the serpents who destroy and choke it’s prey. The porn industry will suffer greatly in the day of Judgement but we shall pray for ourselves and those trapped!
God Bless you for sharing your experience and wisdom to help others. Let’s keep fighting the Good fight!
Shalom Peace.
Love, Love and more love! God bless you for what you’re doing! I know what you mean by battle weary but we know who we have on our side!! Big Hugs!!!!!!! Shannon
Crystal,thank you for your ministry. I just came across your blog and will definitely spread the word. God bless and keep you.
Brilliant post. Keep up the God-centered work! x
I found out about your ministry via CRIStalks and read this page first. Your response to the attacks and the attitude with which you present your response them is excellent. Without knowing anything more about your ministry I have been impressed enough by your actions under the pressure of attack to say “Hey, there is something here worth taking a look at”. Keep fighting the good fight.
It breaks my heart that people are saying those things about, I appreciate everything you do soo much. DGM has been a huge part of my journey.
Hi Crystal,
I would like to encourage you: 1. Thank you for obeying the Lord and writing your book. It has been such a blessing in my life. 2. Remember that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His Purpose. This situation goes right along with one of the themes of the Bible- Satan meant it for harm, but God meant it for good. The story of Joseph being sold into captivity and then saving so many lives in the end is a classic example of what God has for those who do His Work- like you and your team.
I pray that God will renew your strength so that you can mount up with wings as eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint as you abide in Him.
Misrepresentation is one of the main tools used by people swayed by the Enemy. I encourage your readers to explore the links between pornography use and demand for prostitution/Human Trafficking. Porn puts a premium on youth and as such encourages the trafficking of children to meet demands of prostitution/porn production.
Well, had it not been for the naysayers and in particular the “The Young Turks” I wouldn’t have found ya’ll and well, let’s just say I need as many allies as I can get in fighting this sin that so easily besets me. Thanks. God bless you.
I am a guy who is making progress with my own issues here.
Often I have heard prominent Christian male leaders chastise men and say that it is really a man’s problem. That is almost a direct quote from perhaps the best known Christian family speaker on these issues. He says what he believes it takes to simply please the vastly predominantly female audience in his radio ministry; and follows with how the poor, holy females, need to pray for their HELPLESSLY sinful brothers; and that it’s always the man’s fault ( a direct quote) while the truth is, we need to pray for each other.
The listener demographics of his ministry are skewed wildly in favor of female listeners. I believe he is just amercenary businessman; who is not above turning one gender against another to achieve his primarily mercenary ends. Sad and sick.
Men and women are sinners. We desperately need to love and pray for one another
Joseph
We appreciate you Crystal. Our prayers is with you :) I pray that you will be used by our God even mightily and strengthen you even more :) God bless you.
Be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not. God knows your heart & your intentions & that’s what truly matters. The devil comes to steal, kill & destroy but when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. Keep your head up!
Congratulations ladies. I stumbled onto your website and I applaud what you are doing. It surely is needed and few would bravely swim in these waters. Be greatly Encouraged. Us guys certainly understand these tempting addictions. Bravo.
Pg 2. Your ministry is so much needed by the female community because, these subjects do not get talked about in church settings. Us guys have help networks for guy addictions,especially porn, but you never hear about help for the girls.and that is probably because it’s more of a hidden secret with the girls and a more open subject: regarding us guys. May your ministfry spread across the Christian and secular worlds to help those who need and want help. May God’s anointing increase to meet the challenges ahead. May God shower you with new ideas and wisdom. Never Give Up!!!
Hi Crystal,
I just wanted to send you an encouraging message saying THANKS for the work you do! I am a woman walking free from porn (I don’t know how to put it exactly: an ex-porn addict? I guess I am an addict walking free and finding fulfillment with Jesus).
I am very excited to have found resources for women this week, through your site and Beggar’s Daughter. Keep running the race!
Rachel