friends, it is with much regret that i had to decide this morning to not set out for south africa.

while finally beginning to pack at 2am, i was stricken with another kidney stone attack that far surpassed the original. the pain was so excruciating that it caused several occurrences of vomiting. such intolerable pain that i even succumbed to taking the pain medication (percocet) prescribed by the ER doctor on monday. i was finally able to drift off to sleep at about 4am. all the while, moaning… and tossing & turning. according to my mom.

even as i write this, i am in some pain, but the percocet is doing its job pretty well. i am doing my best to keep it low-dose because there is nothing i hate more than relying on drugs.

it is said that the pain caused by kidney stones is enough to make a grown man cry. well, i’ve always considered myself pretty tough and i continue to be, as the only tears i’ve shed today are ones of sadness and disappointment that i will not be able to take this journey to south africa. even as raw as my emotions are and how badly i want to push through, it is the safest and wisest decision to make. i am sick and i can’t pretend that i’m not.

your prayers for my recovery are SO appreciated. that this would not end in surgery, but that everything will pass safely and correctly. fervent prayers as well for the team headed out today. there’s a reason why i am not going to be a part of them. only God and His supremeness knows what that is.

financial support raised beyond the cost of the airline ticket will be reimbursed. however, our missions pastor and my friend, Schaun is also confident that because the cancellation is due to a medical illness, reimbursement of the airline ticket will also be made, and will just cost me a $300 cancellation fee. whew! all reimbursed financial support can be held in an account for me for a new trip (in September), donated to Oceans or WFC or i can see to it that each of you are paid back. please let me know your preference on that.

Schaun came over to pick up some things i was supposed to pack with me (including a suitcase of medical supplies for the community care worker program). he brought with him a lily plant. “something to bloom while we’re gone” – he said. i was reminded of the passage in Luke: “consider the lillies”. i love how The Message puts it:

“If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? “What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”

i love you and am SO thankful for your love and support.

-Crystal